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Two boys in a first grade classroom were arguing loudly over an item they both wanted to use at the same time.
Their teacher approached them in a friendly way and said, “Boys, it sounds like you two are having a problem. Let’s talk it out.”
One of the boys told his side of the story, his face still tense but his voice lowered to an “indoor” volume. The second boy listened and then, without any prompting, came up with a solution to which the first boy readily agreed.
“Great job!” the teacher beamed. “See? You can talk it out!”
A TEACHING PERSPECTIVE CAN PRODUCE AMAZING RESULTS WHEN KIDS BEHAVE INAPPROPRIATELY.
If we approach unwanted behavior from the perspective of our child’s judge/jury/jailer, our first impulse may be to punish.
But punishment doesn’t teach kids what they SHOULD be doing. It doesn’t expand kids’ problem-solving skills, teach them how to repair social mistakes, or improve their social perception.
Fortunately, punishment isn’t the only available tool.
WE CAN CHOOSE TO VIEW THE INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR AS A “TEACHABLE MOMENT.”
When the teacher in the story above heard the two boys arguing, she spotted a chance to teach better social problem-solving.
Inviting the boys to “talk it out” reminded them of their capacity to problem-solve without shouting or arguing. They saw that “talking it out” could work, and they were more likely to “talk it out” next time.
A teaching perspective has room for punishment in some cases, but the focus is on helping kids learn the skills they need to behave appropriately.
If we view inappropriate behavior as a learning opportunity for the child, new options open up.
HERE ARE TEN CHOICES FOR MAKING THE MOST OF A TEACHABLE MOMENT:
1. Redirect the child toward a more appropriate activity.
2. Inform the child that what they’re doing “isn’t a good idea” or “isn’t safe.”
3. Give a friendly reminder about the rule the child needs to be following.
4. Guide the child through the steps of apologizing.
5. Ask the child to consider how others feel when she engages in the inappropriate behavior.
6. Help the child make amends to anyone negatively affected by the inappropriate behavior. Ask, “What can we do to help (name of person) feel better now?”
7. In the case of a conflict, prompt the children to “talk it out,” providing assistance as needed.
8. Give a new rule, if the situation wasn’t covered by the rules the child has already been taught.
9. Invite the child to think of a better to way to ask for what they want or need in the situation.
10. Teach the child appropriate words/behaviors to replace the inappropriate ones.
The rules of appropriate social behavior take a long time to learn and an even longer time to internalize as habits. Even adults don’t do it perfectly!
When we use our child’s behavior mistakes as opportunities to offer guidance, we’re giving our child their best chance to become more kind, responsible and socially competent. Find more great stuff at FamilyCrossings.com
Young, wild, and free … isn’t that what it’s supposed to feel like to be a teenager? While it’s normal for teens to push and discover their limits, it’s also dangerous. Due in large part to the fact that parenting decisions are only as sound as the information on which they’re based, more parents are choosing to rely on tools and technology than gut instinct.
Here are three strategies for parents concerned about their children safety:
1. Install a GPS system in your teen’s car.
In the old days, parents would check their cars for new scratches, dents, or overly fast tire wear and ask other parents if they had seen their kids driving recklessly or beyond their geographic limits.
Parents who utilize GPS technology know where their car is, where it has been, and how fast it has been driven. When continued driving privileges are tied to responsible use, safer driving results. More importantly, teens know that their parents have access to this information, which makes them feel safer if they get lost or into trouble. It’s like having a parent in the car at all times.
2. Install software for monitoring email and chat room conversations.
Sexual predators target teens in Internet chat rooms. Parents should obviously urge their kids not to give out personal information or agree to meet someone they “met” on the Internet. However, since teens know their online activities are a privilege and can be monitored, they’ve got a constant reminder. Parents urge teens to resist talking or behaving online any differently than they would if their parents were in the room because, in a way, they are.
3. Initiate a parent – child contract and home drug testing program.
Peer pressure often increases when kids “just say no” to drugs, alcohol, or tobacco. Kids need a “socially acceptable” excuse, and the words “My parents test me” stop pushy peers in their tracks. Parent and Child Contract Software (PACCS), developed by Dr. Michael Reznicek, helps facilitate conversations and establish expectations (including both rewards and consequences) between parents and teens regarding drug use. Home drug testing kits can be administered at home and provide instant results for a fraction of the cost of a lab, without sacrificing accuracy or privacy.
A child that wants attention will get it by some means. This is usually done in a positive way. They do a drawing or perform a play but by offering an adult the best of what they have to offer they seek and hopefully get some attention. In general children who are well adjusted tend to need attention on a little and not very often basis. As long as attention is given when needed, which is usually the case things run smoothly. However, some children seem to have an insatiable desire for attention. They get positive attention galore yet they want more.
They misbehave and quickly realize that certain behaviors can’t be ignored by adults and engage in them. The class teacher will tell you they spend vast quantities of their time with the child yet it is never enough. The child if observed in class will be engaging in a whole host of activities all of which appear geared toward getting attention. It would be nothing noteworthy for children like this to have the teacher intervene with them every 2-3 minutes.
Often parents and teachers are confused. They will tell the psychologist that the child gets lots of attention, much more than any other member of the class, something that is supported by observation. The important thing to remember with humans, in such cases, is that we are never dealing with concrete realities. What we are dealing with is perceptions.
If is rather convenient to see the child’s thinking in terms of there being a black box through which all thinking must pass. The black box contains one simple instruction that is, “I do not get enough attention”. If we take on board this simple assumption we can now see why the child will behave in an attention seeking way for, instance after being taken out for a wonderful day out and absolutely showered with attention they come home and do something totally silly that guarantees more attention, albeit negative. So what to do?
The following intervention is extraordinarily powerful. It works just about every time and the only reason it fails is because the adult stops. Children never tire of this intervention. The intervention takes about ten minutes each day and is focused on the child’s perceptual system.
Special Time:
* Tell the child that they will be getting a special time each day.
* Then each day tell them that special time will start in 2 minutes.
* Tell the child that special time will start now.
* Engage in special time.
* Tell the child that special time will end in 2 minutes.
* Tell the child that special time will end now.
You have therefore told the child four times that they are getting special time.
During special time the child may choose to do anything that is reasonable. They may want to watch a video with you or make a cake (use a ready made mix) for instance. Do not teach. Simply watch the child, helping if they request it, never offer. The adult watches the child and every so often sums up what the child is doing with praise for the skills shown. For instance I love the way you cuddle me. I love the way you are mixing that cake mix. This shows that the adult is paying attention. The analogy usually used is bathing the child in a warm bath of positive attention.
* Do this every day.
* Do not under any circumstances take away the special time as a sanction.
* Even if the child has had an awful day, do special time.
Keeping your connection with your child is imperative to their growth and development of good manners! Check out FamilyCrossings.com for more parenting tips!
In this post we are going to compare the digital age and traditional scrapbooking. With Family Crossingsyou can create an online social network for your entire family! Online access to your digital scrapbook is the best way to share your memories with every member of your family! Try it FREE!
The art of Scrapbooking has become very popular. Scrapbooking allows you to create memory books that are so much more than the old standard, boring photo albums of yesterday. Using the immense supplies available for you to choose from in your Scrapbooking, you can create memory books that reflect not only your personality: but that also help you to capture the true “essence” of those special memories you want remembered forever.
You can begin making your memory scrapbook, sure to become a treasure to be shared from generation to generation with basic materials like patterned paper, rubber stamps, patterns, stencils, stickers, serrated- scissors, and the photos you already have. This is just a small example of the many supplies that are available for you to choose from in creating your memory book. You can find Scrapbooking supplies online and in many malls and outlet stores today. Software programs are also available to help you design the perfect memory book for your precious memories.
Begin by looking at a photo; recall the memories and feelings that arise by looking at this picture that has been captured on film. What does this picture represent to you? Maybe it is the love of family and friends, or the adventure you found on your last vacation. Whatever it is, consider how you might best represent these feelings, and memories so that someone else looking at this same photograph, even a few generations removed, will be able to understand the emotions and circumstances surrounding the images of the people, places, or things seen in this particular piece of film. Being able to know why a certain picture was taken, and what it meant to the one who took the shot, results in a ‘bonding’ between the original picture taker, the event captured, and the one who is now looking at these images.
Once you have started to think about what this picture means to you and how you would like to best represent that meaning, you can start to create a memory scrapbook that will keep these precious memories alive forever. The best memory books have pages that employ the use of many different types of materials. Don’t be afraid to mix stickers with cut-outs (made by designed scissors), patterned papers, stencils, rubber stamp images, markers, crayons, and labels. Let your creative-side come out in the designing of your memory books.
With a little creativity it is easy to create memory scrapbooks that are a joy to share with family and friends. Family history can be captured in these books: to be recalled in your lifetime and as testimonials of relatives in the past, to be known and remembered by the generations to follow. You not only have a plethora of choices in materials already available to choose from in creating your memory book, new ideas, and materials are created every day for those who want to use scrapbooking as a way to create memory books that will last forever.
What should you use to hold your newly created memory pages? You can choose to use a standard photo album, one that you can decorate using the same materials used in making your memory pages. Or maybe you will want to complete your memory book by laminating a couple of special memory pages for the front and back covers, and then “binding” them together with all of your memory pages into a book. You can learn more about bookbinding through books and software programs. Scrapbook stores and the internet are also good sources of information about scrapbooking and bookbinding.
So, you decided to work at home because you want to have more time with your children, but it’s not as easy as you thought it might be. Everyone is telling you that you are crazy – that you cannot work and parent at the same time. You are afraid that you will not be able to give proper attention to your work and that your children will feel neglected.
Let’s face it, there are no easy choices for mothers who work, but mothering and managing a home business is possible and working at home could be the best way for you to manage your multiple priorities.
10 Ways To Have Happy Kids While You Work At Home
1. Begin a work routine. Begin a work routine as soon as possible after your baby is born. Even if you don’t have a business yet, spend time reading, typing on your computer and talking on the telephone during set work hours each day. Children accept what they are used to and if they see you working from a young age, they will be more likely to accept it as part of their day. Working at the same time each day will help work become part of your daily routine. Keep work sessions short at first and extend them as your children get older and more self-sufficient. If possible, work first thing in the morning, and during nap or sleep times. Schedule child-centered activities right after work periods.
2. Voice mail or answering machines. Install a business telephone with voice mail or answering machine – and a hold button. Business phones need to be answered in a professional manner. There is nothing worse than screaming kids or a mother screaming at her children to be quiet during a telephone call. Even if you are calmly explaining why your child has to wait, don’t do it while someone listens on the other end of the telephone. Turn off the bell on your business phone during times you are spending with your children. When there is too much household noise or distractions let the answering machine or voice mail take your messages. Return calls when the house is quiet and under control. If you are speaking on the telephone and an interruption happens, put the call on hold while you solve the problem.
3. Be consistent. Be consistent and stop problems before they start. Gentle rules for work times are appropriate and necessary. An infant’s needs must be met immediately, but even slightly older children need to know that you don’t always get what you want at the exact time you want it. Make sure your business phone looks very different from your home phone so that when your children see that phone to your ear they will know that you should not be interrupted. Before you make or take a telephone call, try to make an announcement: “Mommy will be on the phone for a few minutes. Please – no yelling and no interruptions.” Teach your children which things they can and cannot touch in your office. Create rules that are fair and enforced. Don’t wait for bad behavior. Let your children know what type of behavior you expect to help prevent problems. When your children know you mean business, they will cooperate.
4. Don’t lock yourself away. Let your children see you working and assure them that you are available for short interruptions. Schedule work that requires quiet and complete concentration for times when your children are asleep. If you integrate your business into your home life, you will be able to “hang out” with your kids while you work. It may not be quality time, but sometimes the quantity of the time you spend with your children is just as important.
5. Choose work that you can start and stop. If your work requires daily deadlines or constant telephone conversations, you will need to have child care either within your home or outside. If you can take mini breaks to dress a doll, give a hug or help start a new activity, your children will feel like you are accessible but busy. Why work at home if you cannot take time out to soothe a sick child or even take a day off once in a while?
6. Make your work area special. Make your work area special for your children. A playpen full of toys that can only be played with in the office or a drawer that is just theirs and filled with surprises can help keep your child occupied but close to you. A miniature of your desk with a real phone, toy typewriter and junk mail can make a preschooler feel special. A TV and DVD player with special programs that can only be viewed while you work can always save the day.
7. Encourage supervised independence. Children must learn independence, but the children of a homeworking mom can learn to be independent under watchful eyes. Set-up your home so that it is possible for little ones to get their own drinks, make a sandwich, baby sit for a younger sibling or wash some unbreakable dishes. They will develop a feeling a accomplishment and you will be able to get a little more work done.
8. Take your work with you. It’s a beautiful day and you want to go to the park. Keep a basket or briefcase filled with work that you can take to the playground or even your backyard so that your kids can play while you are there to oversee their activities. Cell phones and laptop computers allow you the luxury of a virtual office. Take advantage of these working wonders and work while you are on the go.
9. Busy hands, happy hearts. If you are doing work that does not take much concentration but does keep your hands busy, use that time to sing to your baby, talk to your toddler or help with school work. Eventually, your kids can help you and you can all sit around a table and work while you interact -similar to the way quilters work and socialize at the same time.
10. Involve your children in your business. It is always easier to accept what you understand. As soon as your children are old enough, explain what you are doing and encourage their involvement. For example, let your toddler turn on your computer each day. As your children grow, they will learn how to use your equipment and begin to absorb business principles which will help them throughout their lives. When you have success, share it with them and let them choose a new toy or go out and celebrate in a special restaurant. If your children can see tangible benefits, they will want you to succeed at your work.
Have you ever traveled with kids? Traveling with kids can be a very enjoyable vacation or it can be a visit through the land of insanity. Every parent searches high and low for the best kids travel tips prior to heading out across the great unknown with their darling children in tow.
The constant banter of arguments in the back seat, one sibling repeatedly touching the other or the other siblings invading the “invisible line” of the other siblings side of the car, can continue until the parent’s eyes want to cross. Let the family know your plans at rel=”nofollow”
Regardless of where you’re going on your vacation, chances are at least one of the kids will get bored along the way.
That’s why it’s essential to have a variety of kids travel games in mind before you even leave the house. Being prepared is crucial. That way when your kids start shouting “Mom, are we there yet?” you can respond with something better than just “No.”
Games of license plate and state sign alphabet are great for older kids that can read but the young travelers often find that they have nothing to do but whine and cry. The following suggestions won’t make the trip any shorter but they might make it peaceful. Scavenger Hunt: Here is a travel game that would delight older kids and younger travelers.
You would have to make up a list of things to look for in advance. For instance, you could include things like yellow flowers, flashing lights, a hotel, a billboard with a picture of a car on it, a boat on a lake, or anything else general and relatively easy to spot.
Perhaps you are going on a trip to somewhere you have been a time or two before, for instance to grandma’s house. In that case, you could make a specific list that includes items the kids will see en route while traveling. You could even make a little quiz with questions like “What’s the name of the town where we stopped at the rest area?” Kids Travel Tips Technological Highpoint is DVD’s To beat the little rascals at their own games, it is easy to take control over the back seat while still driving the car. The most valuable kids travel tip is one that a parent can buy at any shopping mall or electronics store, the mini DVD player. The gift of silence is golden when traveling with young children on a long road trip. Even parents who hate the amount of television their children watch on a daily basis may find the idea of owning a traveling DVD player more palatable than listening to their children whine. Artistic Kids Travel TipsAs with all that is good, while on the long road trips with children, they will soon tire of the DVD player as well, so variety must be provided to encourage the tiny tots to get along with one another. As kids travel tips go, the arts and crafts shoebox is a project that can be made at home and left in the car for just such occasions. Creation is quick, easy and cheap. First, take a shoe box, a long piece of elastic, blank paper (cut to fit inside the shoebox), crayons pencils, pens, small ruler, stencils and any other small items for arts and crafts that are child friendly for arts and crafts in a vehicle while driving.
Cut two small slits (a bit smaller than the width of the elastic) in the lid of the shoebox. Be sure to make the cuts at each side of the width on one end only, leaving the length complete. Once the cuts are made, take the elastic and string it through both holes. Tie a knot or sew the two ends together on the inside of the box lid.
The elastic works as a holder to keep the sheets of paper in place while your child uses the lid of the box as a drawing table. The box should be completely assembled when in use as the lid is stronger when on the correctly place on the box.
The box itself holds all supplies inside, the art box is complete within itself; it provides, table , storage and security tab to hold art paper in place during the artist’s creative expression.
If you have a picky eater, mealtime can make you feel like you want to pull your hair out. It is very frustrating for parents to watch their child only fiddle with their food at dinner or not even touch it, claiming they “don’t like it.” Then what happens? Thirty minutes later guess who is hungry? You guessed it. Your little picky eater.
Jamie’s mother was concerned about Jamie’s lack of interest in food. She told me, “Jamie never wants to eat anything I fix for dinner. What can I do to encourage Jamie to eat the meals that I have prepared?” I came up with the following ten tips for her. You may find them useful as well.
TIP: INVOLVE JAMIE. You could have Jamie help with planning the menu or meal preparation. Kids are less likely to “turn up their nose” at something, they had a hand in.
TIP: PLACE A LIMIT ON JAMIE. Perhaps Jamie is playing with her food at dinner and not real interested in eating it. Mom say’s, “Jamie, I will be serving breakfast at 7:00 a.m. try to eat enough to make it to then. You decide how much you will need. Oh! We will be clearing the table in _____ minutes.”
When Jamie comes to you later that evening complaining of being hungry. With an understanding tone, simply remind her that you will be serving breakfast at 7:00 a.m. as usual. Jamie will most likely be persistent about getting something else to eat. It is important that you follow through with the limit you have placed. Otherwise, Jamie learns that you do not mean what you say and you lose your credibility with her. You may have to tell her several times that you will be “serving breakfast at 7:00” until she realizes that your are not going to give in.
Jamie: “Mom I’m hungry. Can I have some cookies?”
Mom: “Kids who eat all their dinner are welcome to have a snack after.”
Jamie: “But mom I’m really hungry.”
Mom: “I know Jamie. I would be hungry too if I ate as little as you did for dinner, but don’t worry I will be fixing a big breakfast at 7:00 a.m.”
Jamie: “What? Do you want me to starve?”
Mom: “I’ll be serving breakfast at 7:00 Jamie”
Jamie: “This isn’t fair.”
Mom: “I’ll be serving breakfast at 7:00 Jamie”
Jamie: “Fine!”
TIP: NOTICE THE EXCEPTIONS. Call attention to the times when Jamie eats most of her meal. “Wow! Jamie you ate everything on your plate. Good job. You should be proud of yourself.” Too often, we only notice the negative aspects of our children’s behavior and that is what we reinforce with our negative attention.
TIP: CATER TO JAMIE’S DESIRE TO BE “BIG”. ” You probably won’t like this halibut Jamie. Usually, adults are the only ones who like halibut.” Guess what may just become Jamie’s new favorite food?
TIP: PROVIDE VARIOUS CHOICES AROUND MEALTIME. “Would you rather sit by me or by mommy?” “You can eat with a fork or a spoon which would you prefer?” “Do you think you will need more potatoes or is that enough?” “Have as much as you think you will need to make it to dinner.” “Milk or juice?” “Should we eat at 7:00 or 7:30?”
TIP: BE A GOOD ROLE MODEL. “You know dear, although spaghetti is not my favorite, I will eat it because I know how hard you worked to make it.”
TIP: EXPOSURE. Encourage Jamie to try a variety of foods early on in her life before she knows any different. Some children may have never thought liver was gross if it hadn’t been for what someone else had set their expectation to be.
TIP: PROVIDE SOME FLEXIBILITY. Let’s remember there are some foods that certain children just can not stomach. If Jamie has a problem with spinach but it is part of that particular meal, try to have other items that she can get her fill up on once everyone has their share. However, this should be the exception rather than the rule.
Try letting Jamie dip her foods in sauces, dressings, syrups or ketchup. It may make them taste better to her.
TIP: MAKE MEALTIME ENJOYABLE. Try to talk about things other than eating at mealtime. Dinner is a great time to talk to Jamie about how her day went. During breakfast, you could discuss what everyone has planned for the day.
Everyone pitching in to help prepare the meal can teach Jamie an important family value. An added bonus for children is that it can teach them important thinking skills regarding timing, measuring, colors, comparisons, counting, and cause and effect.
Be creative in the ways that you dish up Jamie’s food. Mold her mashed potatoes into a volcano, cut her meat or sandwich into bite sized pieces and poke toothpicks in them, layout veggies in the shapes of letters or numbers, or use a drop or two of food coloring to make it more interesting.
TIP: LIMIT SNACKING. For children to be hungry enough to eat a meal they usually need to go two or three hours without food. However, it is difficult for children to go from noon to 6:00 p.m. without food. A nutritious snack after school should be fine to get Jamie to dinner still having her appetite.
TIP: RECALL PAST SUCCESSES. Think back about times when Jamie has ate her meals. What were you doing? Were you placing a lot of emphasis on her need to eat her food? What was she doing? What were you eating? What happened before the meal? These kinds of questions may help you realize some of the things you or Jamie is already doing which assist her in becoming a better eater.
Are you tired of playing joint-custody tug-of-war with your Ex? Would you rather be paying for your kid’s needs than paying your custody attorney? Discover the How-Tos of mutual respect with your Ex and co-operation in your shared parenting plans. Find advice that’s miles apart from the usual divorced-parent information found in any ordinary shared-custody parenting class. Using the Family Calendar at Family Crossings.com is a fantastic way to keep in touch with your kids!
These 5 Steps to Successful Co-parenting give you, your Ex, and your children the support you need most.
Divorced with kids, but still playing the “who’s-right, who’s-wrong” game? Are your attempts to co-parent plagued by leftover anger and unsettled arguments from the past? If you’re angry, confused, or just wondering how in the world you will ever be able to share the responsibility of raising your kids with your Ex, then read on.
Five Steps to Co-parenting for Happy, Healthy Kids
Here are five simple steps you can follow to cultivate a co-parenting relationship that will help you, your children, and your Ex-Spouse to flourish – even after divorce. While the steps are simple, using them successfully still requires both commitment and follow-through. But anything worth doing is worth doing well. And isn’t having happy, healthy kids worth it to you?
Step One: Clarify Your Intention Are you clear about your co-parenting intentions? But first, do you know the difference between an intention and a strategy? Knowing this difference is essential.
Your intention can be described as your values expressed as a vision for a particular situation in an area of your life. Your strategies are specific plans or results that will give you what you value.
If you don’t understand this, you’ll tend to get stuck on whether or not other people agree with your strategies. This can leave people feeling defensive and closed-minded. Even worse, being attached to a particular strategy dramatically limits your opportunities to be satisfied.
One strategy = One opportunity
You might have adopted the strategy to hold a family meeting every week that everyone must attend. But what is your intention that had you pick this strategy? You intention may have been to create a peaceful, supportive atmosphere for your kids to grow up in.
But there are many strategies for creating this intention. And when you’re clear about the intention, it remains possible even if your specific strategy fails.
A critical first step is to create a detailed vision, or clear mental image, describing what you value that you would like to experience in your co-parenting relationship, for you, your kids, and your Ex.
Step Two: Get On The Same Page Do you share the same vision and want the same results? After you get clear about your values and what you would like to experience, get together with your co-parent and explore what they want. It’s critical that you keep at this dialog until you’re just as sure that you each understand what the other person wants as you are about what you want yourself.
And remember to keep all strategies out of this part of the discussion. They are important, but they come later.
After you each clearly understand what you both value about co-parenting your children, then co-create a shared intention about what you want. Start small but build big.
To begin with, it shouldn’t be difficult for you and your Ex to agree that you value your kids happiness, security, education, etc. List all the things you both can easily agree that you value for your children.
Then you can start tossing out strategies like family meetings, but just use these as opportunities to get to what you value. Keep adding to the list of values that you can be on the same page about until you have a WOW experience, like this: “Wow! If we could create that for our kids I’d be overjoyed!” Then you know you’ve co-created a powerful intention for your kid’s future.
When you begin by getting on the same page, you pave the way for easy agreements, successful results, and greater satisfaction for everyone along the way. Step Three: Negotiate
Will you take your own and your co-parent’s needs into consideration? Will you keep negotiating until both of you are satisfied? Do you know the difference between negotiation and compromise? It’s another difference that is essential to understand for success in your co-parenting relationship. Compromise begins when you identify what everyone wants. Then you see who’s willing to give up part of what they want until everyone can live with what’s left. It is a lose-lose solution.
Compromise is based in scarcity thinking: the belief that there isn’t enough to go around, so you have to settle for whatever you can get in order to get anything at all. Negotiation, on the other hand, begins when you identify what everyone values and then determine what’s missing in the situation. Why don’t you have what you value now? Then you keep your attention focused on what you value while you co-create strategies that will satisfy everyone.
Negotiation is based in abundance thinking: the belief that if we truly understand the problem the perfect solution will present itself.
When you believe it’s possible for everyone to be satisfied – no compromise necessary – you’ll have the confidence to stick with the process until it works. Never give up on the values you hold for your kids: that they continue to learn, grow, and know that they are safe and loved.
Step Four: Create Powerful Agreements.
Now that you’ve negotiated a plan, what needs to happen and who’s willing to do which parts? Often when people think they’ve made agreements, in reality they’ve only expressed vague understandings of what they want and how they would like that to happen. This is wishful thinking – not agreeing.
Powerful agreements are specific about who, what, when, and how. They require positive confirmation of each person’s willingness and commitment to co-operate with the plan.
If anyone is unwilling to clearly commit to an action it only means that there is something they value that hasn’t been considered in the plan. It’s simply an opportunity to revisit your shared intention and renegotiate your strategies.
Powerful agreements are made joyfully because you clearly see how they support your vision and values. Step Five: Set Up Accountability. Will your agreements continue to work for everyone in the family? Will they create the results you want? Without accountability you can’t know if your agreements are actually working. By the time you finally find out that they aren’t, you may have already built up dangerous levels of frustration, resentment and resignation.
You create accountability by setting specific times to follow up on your agreements. Then discuss how things are working and see what changes might be needed. If you practice accountability with your co-parent it will build trust and confidence. Accountability meetings allow you to practice all 5 Steps of Successful Co-parenting. 1. Do you still have a clear Intention? 2. Are you still On the Same Page? 3. Do you need more Negotiation? 4. Is it time to make new Agreements? 5. How will you ensure ongoing Accountability? Co-parenting is challenging enough when you’re married.
When you throw in the upset and stress of divorce, the likelihood of difficulty and disappointment skyrockets, because you and your Ex bring old baggage into this new relationship, habitual patterns and unresolved issues are guaranteed to come up.
Remember that clarifying your intention focuses you on what you want, and understanding what everyone values in the situation creates the possibility of everyone being satisfied.
With your commitment and focused attention, you can build a successful co-parenting relationship and open the way to raising happy , healthy kids together.
One out of every two marriages today ends in divorce and many divorcing families include children. Parents who are getting a divorce are frequently worried about the effect the divorce will have on their children.
During this difficult period, parents may be preoccupied with their own problems, but continue to be the most important people in their children lives. We at Family Crossings believe in the ability for all to stay connected. Keep the non-custodial parent up to date with their children by using our website. With a calendar section the non-custodial parent can be kept in the loop of important activities, changes in scheduling and the ability to contact the child and the other parent 24/7. This feature is very beneficial to keep the child in the other parent’s life, share photos, stories from school and even just to say “Hi!”- don’t let divorce separate you from your child visit rel=”nofollow” Family Crossings today and reconnect to your child TODAY!
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Parents are distressed when they receive a note from school saying that their child “won’t listen to the teacher” or “causes trouble in class.” One possible reason for this kind of behavior is Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).
Even though the child with ADHD often wants to be a good student, the impulsive behavior and difficulty paying attention in class frequently interferes and causes problems. Teachers, parents, and friends know that the child is “misbehaving” or “different” but they may not be able to tell exactly what is wrong.
Any child may show inattention, distractibility, impulsivity, or hyperactivity at times, but the child with ADHD shows these symptoms and behaviors more frequently and severely than other children of the same age or developmental level. ADHD occurs in 3-5% of school age children. ADHD must begin before the age of seven and it can continue into adulthood. ADHD runs in families with about 25% of biological parents also having this medical condition.
A child with ADHD often shows some of the following:
inattention to details and makes careless mistakes
easily distracted loses school supplies,
forgets to turn in homework
trouble finishing class work and homework
trouble listening trouble following multiple adult commands
fidgets or squirms leaves seat and runs about or climbs excessively seems “on the go”
talks too much and has difficulty playing quietly
interrupts or intrudes on others
A child presenting with ADHD symptoms must have a comprehensive evaluation. A child with ADHD may have other psychiatric disorders such as conduct disorder, anxiety disorder, depressive disorder, or manic-depressive disorder. Without proper treatment, the child may fall behind in schoolwork, and friendships may suffer. The child experiences more failure than success and is criticized by teachers and family who do not recognize a health problem.
Research clearly demonstrates that medication can be helpful. Stimulant medication such as methylphenidate, dextroamphetamine, and pemoline can improve attention, focus, goal directed behavior, and organizational skills. Other medications such as guanfacine, clonidine, and some antidepressants may also be helpful.
Other treatment approaches may include cognitive-behavioral therapy, social skills training, parent education, and modifications to the child’s education program. Behavioral therapy can help a child control aggression, modulate social behavior, and be more productive. Cognitive therapy can help a child build self esteem, reduce negative thoughts, and improve problem solving skills. Parents can learn management skills such as issuing instructions one step at a time rather than issuing multiple requests at once. Education modifications can address ADHD symptoms along with any coexisting learning disabilities.
A child who is diagnosed with ADHD and treated appropriately can have a productive and successful life. If a child shows symptoms and behaviors like those of ADHD, parents may ask their pediatrician or family physician to refer them to a child and adolescent psychiatrist, who can diagnose and treat this medical condition.
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