Category: Family Life & Parenting

Children Of Character…YOURS!

We hear a lot today about falling moral standards, lack of respect for others and the culture of “self first.” But our society doesn’t have to be like this, and there is a growing movement to reverse these trends through A person of character … .

• A “good” person – someone that kids will look up to, admire and try to imitate.
• Knows the difference between right and wrong and always tries to do the right thing, even if it’s difficult.
• Sets a good example
• Tries to make the world a better place.
• Is honest, trustworthy, reliable and caring.

Sounds tough, but educating the heart is just as important as educating the mind. It’s important that you have the right tools and materials – books, games, activities, audio are all important ways of communicating with your kids, offering various routes to forming Kids of Character.

A Parenting Strategy- Attention Seeking Behavior

A child that wants attention will get it by some means. This is usually done in a positive way. They do a drawing or perform a play but by offering an adult the best of what they have to offer they seek and hopefully get some attention. In general children who are well adjusted tend to need attention on a little and not very often basis. As long as attention is given when needed, which is usually the case things run smoothly. However, some children seem to have an insatiable desire for attention. They get positive attention galore yet they want more.

They misbehave and quickly realize that certain behaviors can’t be ignored by adults and engage in them. The class teacher will tell you they spend vast quantities of their time with the child yet it is never enough. The child if observed in class will be engaging in a whole host of activities all of which appear geared toward getting attention. It would be nothing noteworthy for children like this to have the teacher intervene with them every 2-3 minutes.

Often parents and teachers are confused. They will tell the psychologist that the child gets lots of attention, much more than any other member of the class, something that is supported by observation. The important thing to remember with humans, in such cases, is that we are never dealing with concrete realities. What we are dealing with is perceptions.

If is rather convenient to see the child’s thinking in terms of there being a black box through which all thinking must pass. The black box contains one simple instruction that is, “I do not get enough attention”. If we take on board this simple assumption we can now see why the child will behave in an attention seeking way for, instance after being taken out for a wonderful day out and absolutely showered with attention they come home and do something totally silly that guarantees more attention, albeit negative. So what to do?

The following intervention is extraordinarily powerful. It works just about every time and the only reason it fails is because the adult stops. Children never tire of this intervention. The intervention takes about ten minutes each day and is focused on the child’s perceptual system.

Special Time:

* Tell the child that they will be getting a special time each day.
* Then each day tell them that special time will start in 2 minutes.
* Tell the child that special time will start now.
* Engage in special time.
* Tell the child that special time will end in 2 minutes.
* Tell the child that special time will end now.

You have therefore told the child four times that they are getting special time.

During special time the child may choose to do anything that is reasonable. They may want to watch a video with you or make a cake (use a ready made mix) for instance. Do not teach. Simply watch the child, helping if they request it, never offer. The adult watches the child and every so often sums up what the child is doing with praise for the skills shown. For instance I love the way you cuddle me. I love the way you are mixing that cake mix. This shows that the adult is paying attention. The analogy usually used is bathing the child in a warm bath of positive attention.

* Do this every day.
* Do not under any circumstances take away the special time as a sanction.
* Even if the child has had an awful day, do special time.

Keeping your connection with your child is imperative to their growth and development of good manners! Check out FamilyCrossings.com for more parenting tips!

Work At Home Mommy

So, you decided to work at home because you want to have more time with your children, but it’s not as easy as you thought it might be. Everyone is telling you that you are crazy – that you cannot work and parent at the same time. You are afraid that you will not be able to give proper attention to your work and that your children will feel neglected.

Let’s face it, there are no easy choices for mothers who work, but mothering and managing a home business is possible and working at home could be the best way for you to manage your multiple priorities.

10 Ways To Have Happy Kids While You Work At Home

1. Begin a work routine. Begin a work routine as soon as possible after your baby is born. Even if you don’t have a business yet, spend time reading, typing on your computer and talking on the telephone during set work hours each day. Children accept what they are used to and if they see you working from a young age, they will be more likely to accept it as part of their day. Working at the same time each day will help work become part of your daily routine. Keep work sessions short at first and extend them as your children get older and more self-sufficient. If possible, work first thing in the morning, and during nap or sleep times. Schedule child-centered activities right after work periods.

2. Voice mail or answering machines. Install a business telephone with voice mail or answering machine – and a hold button. Business phones need to be answered in a professional manner. There is nothing worse than screaming kids or a mother screaming at her children to be quiet during a telephone call. Even if you are calmly explaining why your child has to wait, don’t do it while someone listens on the other end of the telephone. Turn off the bell on your business phone during times you are spending with your children. When there is too much household noise or distractions let the answering machine or voice mail take your messages. Return calls when the house is quiet and under control. If you are speaking on the telephone and an interruption happens, put the call on hold while you solve the problem.

3. Be consistent. Be consistent and stop problems before they start. Gentle rules for work times are appropriate and necessary. An infant’s needs must be met immediately, but even slightly older children need to know that you don’t always get what you want at the exact time you want it. Make sure your business phone looks very different from your home phone so that when your children see that phone to your ear they will know that you should not be interrupted. Before you make or take a telephone call, try to make an announcement: “Mommy will be on the phone for a few minutes. Please – no yelling and no interruptions.” Teach your children which things they can and cannot touch in your office. Create rules that are fair and enforced. Don’t wait for bad behavior. Let your children know what type of behavior you expect to help prevent problems. When your children know you mean business, they will cooperate.


4. Don’t lock yourself away. Let your children see you working and assure them that you are available for short interruptions. Schedule work that requires quiet and complete concentration for times when your children are asleep. If you integrate your business into your home life, you will be able to “hang out” with your kids while you work. It may not be quality time, but sometimes the quantity of the time you spend with your children is just as important.

5. Choose work that you can start and stop. If your work requires daily deadlines or constant telephone conversations, you will need to have child care either within your home or outside. If you can take mini breaks to dress a doll, give a hug or help start a new activity, your children will feel like you are accessible but busy. Why work at home if you cannot take time out to soothe a sick child or even take a day off once in a while?

6. Make your work area special. Make your work area special for your children. A playpen full of toys that can only be played with in the office or a drawer that is just theirs and filled with surprises can help keep your child occupied but close to you. A miniature of your desk with a real phone, toy typewriter and junk mail can make a preschooler feel special. A TV and DVD player with special programs that can only be viewed while you work can always save the day.

7. Encourage supervised independence. Children must learn independence, but the children of a homeworking mom can learn to be independent under watchful eyes. Set-up your home so that it is possible for little ones to get their own drinks, make a sandwich, baby sit for a younger sibling or wash some unbreakable dishes. They will develop a feeling a accomplishment and you will be able to get a little more work done.

8. Take your work with you. It’s a beautiful day and you want to go to the park. Keep a basket or briefcase filled with work that you can take to the playground or even your backyard so that your kids can play while you are there to oversee their activities. Cell phones and laptop computers allow you the luxury of a virtual office. Take advantage of these working wonders and work while you are on the go.

9. Busy hands, happy hearts. If you are doing work that does not take much concentration but does keep your hands busy, use that time to sing to your baby, talk to your toddler or help with school work. Eventually, your kids can help you and you can all sit around a table and work while you interact -similar to the way quilters work and socialize at the same time.

10. Involve your children in your business. It is always easier to accept what you understand. As soon as your children are old enough, explain what you are doing and encourage their involvement. For example, let your toddler turn on your computer each day. As your children grow, they will learn how to use your equipment and begin to absorb business principles which will help them throughout their lives. When you have success, share it with them and let them choose a new toy or go out and celebrate in a special restaurant. If your children can see tangible benefits, they will want you to succeed at your work.

Kids and Divorce

Are you tired of playing joint-custody tug-of-war with your Ex? Would you rather be paying for your kid’s needs than paying your custody attorney? Discover the How-Tos of mutual respect with your Ex and co-operation in your shared parenting plans. Find advice that’s miles apart from the usual divorced-parent information found in any ordinary shared-custody parenting class. Using the Family Calendar at Family Crossings.com is a fantastic way to keep in touch with your kids!

These 5 Steps to Successful Co-parenting give you, your Ex, and your children the support you need most.

Divorced with kids, but still playing the “who’s-right, who’s-wrong” game? Are your attempts to co-parent plagued by leftover anger and unsettled arguments from the past? If you’re angry, confused, or just wondering how in the world you will ever be able to share the responsibility of raising your kids with your Ex, then read on.
Five Steps to Co-parenting for Happy, Healthy Kids
Here are five simple steps you can follow to cultivate a co-parenting relationship that will help you, your children, and your Ex-Spouse to flourish – even after divorce. While the steps are simple, using them successfully still requires both commitment and follow-through. But anything worth doing is worth doing well. And isn’t having happy, healthy kids worth it to you?
Step One: Clarify Your Intention Are you clear about your co-parenting intentions? But first, do you know the difference between an intention and a strategy? Knowing this difference is essential.
Your intention can be described as your values expressed as a vision for a particular situation in an area of your life. Your strategies are specific plans or results that will give you what you value.
If you don’t understand this, you’ll tend to get stuck on whether or not other people agree with your strategies. This can leave people feeling defensive and closed-minded. Even worse, being attached to a particular strategy dramatically limits your opportunities to be satisfied.
One strategy = One opportunity
You might have adopted the strategy to hold a family meeting every week that everyone must attend. But what is your intention that had you pick this strategy? You intention may have been to create a peaceful, supportive atmosphere for your kids to grow up in.
But there are many strategies for creating this intention. And when you’re clear about the intention, it remains possible even if your specific strategy fails.
A critical first step is to create a detailed vision, or clear mental image, describing what you value that you would like to experience in your co-parenting relationship, for you, your kids, and your Ex.
Step Two: Get On The Same Page Do you share the same vision and want the same results? After you get clear about your values and what you would like to experience, get together with your co-parent and explore what they want. It’s critical that you keep at this dialog until you’re just as sure that you each understand what the other person wants as you are about what you want yourself.
And remember to keep all strategies out of this part of the discussion. They are important, but they come later.
After you each clearly understand what you both value about co-parenting your children, then co-create a shared intention about what you want. Start small but build big.
To begin with, it shouldn’t be difficult for you and your Ex to agree that you value your kids happiness, security, education, etc. List all the things you both can easily agree that you value for your children.
Then you can start tossing out strategies like family meetings, but just use these as opportunities to get to what you value. Keep adding to the list of values that you can be on the same page about until you have a WOW experience, like this: “Wow! If we could create that for our kids I’d be overjoyed!” Then you know you’ve co-created a powerful intention for your kid’s future.
When you begin by getting on the same page, you pave the way for easy agreements, successful results, and greater satisfaction for everyone along the way. Step Three: Negotiate
Will you take your own and your co-parent’s needs into consideration? Will you keep negotiating until both of you are satisfied? Do you know the difference between negotiation and compromise? It’s another difference that is essential to understand for success in your co-parenting relationship. Compromise begins when you identify what everyone wants. Then you see who’s willing to give up part of what they want until everyone can live with what’s left. It is a lose-lose solution.
Compromise is based in scarcity thinking: the belief that there isn’t enough to go around, so you have to settle for whatever you can get in order to get anything at all. Negotiation, on the other hand, begins when you identify what everyone values and then determine what’s missing in the situation. Why don’t you have what you value now? Then you keep your attention focused on what you value while you co-create strategies that will satisfy everyone.
Negotiation is based in abundance thinking: the belief that if we truly understand the problem the perfect solution will present itself.
When you believe it’s possible for everyone to be satisfied – no compromise necessary – you’ll have the confidence to stick with the process until it works. Never give up on the values you hold for your kids: that they continue to learn, grow, and know that they are safe and loved.
Step Four: Create Powerful Agreements.
Now that you’ve negotiated a plan, what needs to happen and who’s willing to do which parts? Often when people think they’ve made agreements, in reality they’ve only expressed vague understandings of what they want and how they would like that to happen. This is wishful thinking – not agreeing.
Powerful agreements are specific about who, what, when, and how. They require positive confirmation of each person’s willingness and commitment to co-operate with the plan.
If anyone is unwilling to clearly commit to an action it only means that there is something they value that hasn’t been considered in the plan. It’s simply an opportunity to revisit your shared intention and renegotiate your strategies.
Powerful agreements are made joyfully because you clearly see how they support your vision and values. Step Five: Set Up Accountability. Will your agreements continue to work for everyone in the family? Will they create the results you want? Without accountability you can’t know if your agreements are actually working. By the time you finally find out that they aren’t, you may have already built up dangerous levels of frustration, resentment and resignation.
You create accountability by setting specific times to follow up on your agreements. Then discuss how things are working and see what changes might be needed. If you practice accountability with your co-parent it will build trust and confidence. Accountability meetings allow you to practice all 5 Steps of Successful Co-parenting. 1. Do you still have a clear Intention? 2. Are you still On the Same Page? 3. Do you need more Negotiation? 4. Is it time to make new Agreements? 5. How will you ensure ongoing Accountability? Co-parenting is challenging enough when you’re married.

When you throw in the upset and stress of divorce, the likelihood of difficulty and disappointment skyrockets, because you and your Ex bring old baggage into this new relationship, habitual patterns and unresolved issues are guaranteed to come up.
Remember that clarifying your intention focuses you on what you want, and understanding what everyone values in the situation creates the possibility of everyone being satisfied.
With your commitment and focused attention, you can build a successful co-parenting relationship and open the way to raising happy , healthy kids together.

Children And Divorce

We at Family Crossings believe in the ability for all to stay connected. Keep the non-custodial parent up to date with their children by using our website. With a calendar section the non-custodial parent can be kept in the loop of important activities, changes in scheduling and the ability to contact the child and the other parent 24/7. This feature is very beneficial to keep the child in the other parent’s life, share photos, stories from school and even just to say “Hi!”- don’t let divorce separate you from your child visit Family Crossings today and reconnect to your child TODAY!

One out of every two marriages today ends in divorce and many divorcing families include children. Parents who are getting a divorce are frequently worried about the effect the divorce will have on their children.

During this difficult period, parents may be preoccupied with their own problems, but continue to be the most important people in their children lives. We at Family Crossings believe in the ability for all to stay connected. Keep the non-custodial parent up to date with their children by using our website. With a calendar section the non-custodial parent can be kept in the loop of important activities, changes in scheduling and the ability to contact the child and the other parent 24/7. This feature is very beneficial to keep the child in the other parent’s life, share photos, stories from school and even just to say “Hi!”- don’t let divorce separate you from your child visit rel=”nofollow” Family Crossings today and reconnect to your child TODAY!
Continue reading “Children And Divorce”

ADHD & Your Child

Parents are distressed when they receive a note from school saying that their child “won’t listen to the teacher” or “causes trouble in class.” One possible reason for this kind of behavior is Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

Even though the child with ADHD often wants to be a good student, the impulsive behavior and difficulty paying attention in class frequently interferes and causes problems. Teachers, parents, and friends know that the child is “misbehaving” or “different” but they may not be able to tell exactly what is wrong.

Any child may show inattention, distractibility, impulsivity, or hyperactivity at times, but the child with ADHD shows these symptoms and behaviors more frequently and severely than other children of the same age or developmental level. ADHD occurs in 3-5% of school age children. ADHD must begin before the age of seven and it can continue into adulthood. ADHD runs in families with about 25% of biological parents also having this medical condition.

A child with ADHD often shows some of the following:

    trouble paying attention
    inattention to details and makes careless mistakes
    easily distracted loses school supplies,
    forgets to turn in homework
    trouble finishing class work and homework
    trouble listening trouble following multiple adult commands
    blurts out answers
    fidgets or squirms leaves seat and runs about or climbs excessively seems “on the go”
    talks too much and has difficulty playing quietly
    interrupts or intrudes on others

A child presenting with ADHD symptoms must have a comprehensive evaluation. A child with ADHD may have other psychiatric disorders such as conduct disorder, anxiety disorder, depressive disorder, or manic-depressive disorder. Without proper treatment, the child may fall behind in schoolwork, and friendships may suffer. The child experiences more failure than success and is criticized by teachers and family who do not recognize a health problem.

Research clearly demonstrates that medication can be helpful. Stimulant medication such as methylphenidate, dextroamphetamine, and pemoline can improve attention, focus, goal directed behavior, and organizational skills. Other medications such as guanfacine, clonidine, and some antidepressants may also be helpful.

Other treatment approaches may include cognitive-behavioral therapy, social skills training, parent education, and modifications to the child’s education program. Behavioral therapy can help a child control aggression, modulate social behavior, and be more productive. Cognitive therapy can help a child build self esteem, reduce negative thoughts, and improve problem solving skills. Parents can learn management skills such as issuing instructions one step at a time rather than issuing multiple requests at once. Education modifications can address ADHD symptoms along with any coexisting learning disabilities.

A child who is diagnosed with ADHD and treated appropriately can have a productive and successful life. If a child shows symptoms and behaviors like those of ADHD, parents may ask their pediatrician or family physician to refer them to a child and adolescent psychiatrist, who can diagnose and treat this medical condition.

Children and News

Children often see or hear the news many times a day through television, radio, newspapers, magazines, and the Internet. Seeing and hearing about local and world events, such as natural disasters, catastrophic events, and crime reports, may cause children to experience stress, anxiety, and fears.

There have also been several changes in how news is reported that have given rise to the increased potential for children to experience negative effects. These changes include the following:

  • television channels and Internet services and sites which report the news 24 hours a day
  • television channels broadcasting live events as they are unfolding, in “real time”
  • increased reporting of the details of the private lives of public figures and role models
  • pressure to get news to the public as part of the competitive nature of the entertainment industry
  • detailed and repetitive visual coverage of natural disasters and violent acts

While there has been great public debate about providing television ratings to warn parents about violence and sex in programming, news shows have only recently been considered in these discussions. Research has shown, however, that children and adolescents are prone to imitate what they see and hear in the news, a kind of contagion effect described as “copy cat” events. Chronic and persistent exposure to such violence can lead to fear, desensitization (immunity), and in some children an increase in aggressive and violent behaviors. Studies also show that media broadcasts to not always choose to show things that accurately reflect local or national trends.

For example, statistics report a decrease in the incidence of crime, yet, the reporting of crime in the news has increased 240%. Local news shows often lead with or break into programming to announce crime reports and devote as much as 30% of the broadcast time to detailed crime reporting.

The possible negative effects of news can be lessened by parents, teachers, or other adults by watching the news with the child and talking about what has been seen or heard. The child’s age, maturity, developmental level, life experiences, and vulnerabilities should guide how much and what kind of news the child watches.

Guidelines for minimizing the negative effects of watching the news include:

  • make sure you have adequate time and a quiet place to talk if you anticipate that the news is going to be troubling or upsetting to the child
  • ask the child what he/she has heard and what questions he/she may have
  • provide reassurance regarding his/her own safety in simple words emphasizing that you are going to be there to keep him/her safe
  • look for signs that the news may have triggered fears or anxieties such as sleeplessness, fears, bedwetting, crying, or talking about being afraid

Parents should remember that it is important to talk to the child or adolescent about what he/she has seen or heard. This allows parents to lessen the potential negative effects of the news and to discuss their own ideas and values. While children cannot be completely protected from outside events, parents can help them feel safe and help them to better understand the world around them.

Is Your Teen Driving?

Most parents think it will never happen to them, yet thousands of car accidents occur each year. According to the National Highway Safety Transportation Agency, 8,000 American children die in auto-related accidents each year — 20 every single day. So how can you help protect your children? Follow these hard and fast car safety rules:

Don’t Drink and Drive Ever.

Buckle up
Although all 50 states have strict child safety seat laws, not all parents buckle up their kids. And those who do are most likely doing it wrong without realizing it. A recent NHSTA study showed that 80 percent of car seats are installed improperly. Continue reading “Is Your Teen Driving?”