Family Histories are made out of stories and tales about people, places, and events related to the members of immediate family members and our ancestors. Family stories casually chatted about at the dinner table, or related at family gatherings can provide great insights into a family’s hostory. The memorable stories of our lives and of others in our family take on special importance because they are true, even if everyone tells different versions of the same event. Stories like these are family heirlooms held online and in the mind forever heart.
Taking an Interview
FamilyCrossings have a preset interview process where each family member can contribute stories about their lives to share with other family members.
Birth Information, Childhood, School Experiences, Jobs, Romance and Marriage, Raising a Family, Personal Accomplishments, Entertainment and Hobbies, Holiday Traditions
Getting Started with Family History
The first step to collecting family stories is to become a good listener. Good listeners encourage great storytelling. When a speaker feels that the listener is interested, he or she is more inspired to communicate generously. A good listener gives full attention to the teller, does not interrupt or contradict the facts of a story as it is being told, and offers the teller encouragement with an interested facial expression and body stance. When a teller feels encouraged by an interested listener, there is joy in the telling. Let everyone know that they can include that fabulous story in FamilyCrossings.com
Interviewing Elders
An effective way to hear family stories is to ask questions. Family stories can be collected by interviewing a family elder. Make a mental or written list of topics that might generate some interest from other family members to ask the elder.
Questions about:
People, places, events, objects, important transitions, work, or travel can be story starters. Although short-term memory may sometimes be limited in the oldest of relatives, long-term memory may be very much intact. We need to help the teller journey back in time to retrieve these treasures.
Add Your Story
Start the Interview process right now! Take a moment to add your own history! Lead by example.
Children often see or hear the news many times a day through television, radio, newspapers, magazines, and the Internet. Seeing and hearing about local and world events, such as natural disasters, catastrophic events, and crime reports, may cause children to experience stress, anxiety, and fears.
There have also been several changes in how news is reported that have given rise to the increased potential for children to experience negative effects. These changes include the following:
television channels and Internet services and sites which report the news 24 hours a day
television channels broadcasting live events as they are unfolding, in “real time”
increased reporting of the details of the private lives of public figures and role models
pressure to get news to the public as part of the competitive nature of the entertainment industry
detailed and repetitive visual coverage of natural disasters and violent acts
While there has been great public debate about providing television ratings to warn parents about violence and sex in programming, news shows have only recently been considered in these discussions. Research has shown, however, that children and adolescents are prone to imitate what they see and hear in the news, a kind of contagion effect described as “copy cat” events. Chronic and persistent exposure to such violence can lead to fear, desensitization (immunity), and in some children an increase in aggressive and violent behaviors. Studies also show that media broadcasts to not always choose to show things that accurately reflect local or national trends.
For example, statistics report a decrease in the incidence of crime, yet, the reporting of crime in the news has increased 240%. Local news shows often lead with or break into programming to announce crime reports and devote as much as 30% of the broadcast time to detailed crime reporting.
The possible negative effects of news can be lessened by parents, teachers, or other adults by watching the news with the child and talking about what has been seen or heard. The child’s age, maturity, developmental level, life experiences, and vulnerabilities should guide how much and what kind of news the child watches.
Guidelines for minimizing the negative effects of watching the news include:
make sure you have adequate time and a quiet place to talk if you anticipate that the news is going to be troubling or upsetting to the child
ask the child what he/she has heard and what questions he/she may have
provide reassurance regarding his/her own safety in simple words emphasizing that you are going to be there to keep him/her safe
look for signs that the news may have triggered fears or anxieties such as sleeplessness, fears, bedwetting, crying, or talking about being afraid
Parents should remember that it is important to talk to the child or adolescent about what he/she has seen or heard. This allows parents to lessen the potential negative effects of the news and to discuss their own ideas and values. While children cannot be completely protected from outside events, parents can help them feel safe and help them to better understand the world around them.
Grandparents are an important resource for both parents and children. They routinely provide child care, financial assistance and emotional support. Occasionally they are called upon to provide much more including temporary or full time care and responsibility for their grandchildren.
An increasing number of children in the United States live in households headed by a grandparent. This trend is due to:
increasing numbers of single parent families
the high rate of divorce
teenage pregnancies
AIDS
incarcerations of parents
substance abuse by parents
death or disability of parents
parental abuse and neglect
In many of these homes, neither of the child’s biological parents is present. In most cases, children taken care of by grandparents move in with them as infants or preschoolers and remain with them for five years or more. These grandparents are a diverse group ranging in ages from the thirties to the seventies. Many grandparents are ready to simplify their lives and slow down. Giving that up and taking over the responsibilities of being a primary parent again can stir up many feelings including grief, anger, loss, resentment and possibly guilt. This transition can be very stressful and the emotional and financial burdens can be significant. Culture shock at having to deal with children and adolescents of a different generation can be great. Grandparent headed households have a significantly higher poverty rate than other kinds of family units.
Many grandparents in this care taking role underestimate or are unaware of the added burdens their new role as ‘parents’ will place upon them. Grandparents often assume their role will be to nurture and reward children without having to set limits. When grandparents serve as parents, however, they must learn to set limits and establish controls as they did with their own children.
Many children living with grandparents arrive with preexisting problems or risk factors including abuse, neglect, prenatal exposure to drugs and alcohol, and loss of parents (death, abandonment and incarceration). This situation can create risks for both children and grandparents. Caring for your grandchild can also be very positive and rewarding. Grandparents bring the benefit of experience and perspective. They can also provide important stability, predictability, and be a healthy role model for their grandchildren.
It is very important for grandparents to receive support and assistance. Seeking out other family members, clergy, support groups and social agencies can be helpful. The Grandparents Information Center (sponsored by the American Association of Retired Persons) is a good place to get information, referrals and support. The American Association of Retired Persons website address is www.aarp.org. Financial aid may be available especially if the child was abandoned, neglected or abused. Mental health professionals including child and adolescent psychiatrists, community mental health and child welfare agencies and parent-teacher associations are other important resources for the grandparents.
Child and adolescent psychiatrists recognize the important role many grandparents play in raising their grandchildren. The better grandparents are able to meet their own needs, the better they can fulfill the demands of parenting.
My family always had traditions when I was growing up. Every Christmas eve was spent at my great grandparents’ house. The entire family – great grandparents, grandparents, parents, uncles, aunts, cousins – would gather at my great grandpa’s and grandma’s and we’d open gifts and laugh and spend the evening together as a big family. Once my great grandparents passed away that tradition passed on to my grandma and grandpa, and we’d all congregate there.
Christmas morning was spent at our house where we got up and “had to eat breakfast first” before opening presents. Then we’d get ready, trying to somehow incorporate everything we’d received as gifts into our outfit somehow so we could take it to my other grandparents’ house (my mom’s mom and dad), which is where we went next. Again, the entire family, aunts and uncles and cousins too, would gather there and spend the day together, opening gifts and eating and laughing.
Easter was always spent at my house where my mom would fix this huge Easter feast, and both sides of my family (mom’s and dad’s) would come. We’d spend the day eating and playing and finding Easter eggs. After hunting eggs my sister and my cousins and I would always sit on the picnic table and count our eggs and eat some of them. One year I remember we tried cracking them open by slamming them into our foreheads. Pain!
New Year’s night was spent at my grandparents’ house. We’d all bring something to trade. One year I traded something, I forget what exactly but I think it was a pocket knife, for a bottle of hairspray from my aunt, which I discovered wouldn’t spray. I was so disappointed! I’d try to stay up every year until midnight, though I’m not sure if I ever succeeded. I must have because I remember one year being awake to hear my uncles shoot off guns, which is what the grown-ups did to bring in the new year.
Traditions don’t have to be something big to be remembered and enjoyed. I remember sitting outside in the dark on the picnic table with my cousins and Grandpa while he told us scary stories before bed. Usually it involved a witch who ate off kids’ toes. Grandpa even had this spooky witch laugh he did. I still can’t sleep at night with my toes uncovered, and if I wake up in the middle of the night to discover my feet out from under the blanket I promptly pull them back in to safety.
Every year my grandma always called my sister and me when she heard the first whippoorwill call. I think that meant summer was here, and we could go barefoot now. I love to go barefoot, now as much as then, which is why I always had bee stings all over my feet then and dirt all over my feet now.
Birthdays were special times because the day was all about us. Grandparents and aunts and uncles would call on the phone all day long to sing “Happy Birthday”. I still miss my grandma and grandpa calling every year on my birthday now that they’ve both passed away and now that my other grandma can no longer remember that it’s my birthday. Mom always fixed us whatever kind of cake we wanted for our birthdays.
She made these big fancily-decorated cakes for us when we were kids (I have photos), but as we got older my sister always requested cherry cheesecake and I wanted angel food cake with strawberries and whipped cream, year after year.
These are just some of the many traditions we had in my family. Now that I’m an adult and I have a family of my own I’ve tried to continue many of these traditions while adding in a few of my own. We still spend Christmas eve with my dad’s family, and we still have to eat breakfast every year at mom and dad’s house before we can open presents (the torment!).
Christmas day is always spent at my mom’s parents’ house. Many things haven’t changed, and I’m glad.
Birthdays here at my house are always big deals. I decorate the dining room and often the living room with streamers and balloons everywhere. I have a big “Happy Birthday” sign that I put up. The kids fully expect all of these things and would be disappointed if they awoke on their birthdays to find that I hadn’t done them. The first thing they do when they wake up on their birthday is to run into the dining room and living room to see my decorations and all the presents piled up in the exact spot that they’ve been in every year on a birthday.
Everyone, hubby included, gets to pick out a cake they want and I make it for them, which is why I’ve made everything from a Care Bear cake and Pokemon to Batman and Transformers, and nearly everything in between.
Every year hubby requests a pineapple upside-down cake. Everyone always gets to pick out a birthday meal too. Sometimes it’s as simple as some chicken nuggets and French fries, while others it’s a feast of fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans, and biscuits. Whatever it is, I lovingly prepare it, because not only is it my way of showing them I love them but it’s my way of making sure they have traditions they can carry on themselves one day.
Being a good grandparent is not something that one has to learn how to do. It comes from within. A bond between grandparent and grandchild is a special one that must be nurtured if it is to grow properly.
Of course, there are many great things that can be done in order to maintain that bond. Grandparents will find that they often have to make it a point to get involved with grandchildren when it comes to things they are interested in doing.
This can be overwhelming if you feel that the age difference makes this difficult.
There are many great aspects of being a grandparent. From sharing interests to being a reliable source of comfort, grandparents play a large role in a child’s life.
It’s a good idea to organize a weekly get together online with your grandkids.
Quality time together is seriously underrated these days. Make it a point to do something together, an activity you can both share. Set up a “virtual play date” online via play a friendly game or have dinner together while you catch up on recent events that your family members have posted.
A designated time and date together will also help young kids to have an appreciation for their grandparents, something that is essential for kids to grow up with proper values. Even your teen grandchildren NEED you! With FamilyCrossings.com you can bond with your teenager! They are online anyway, why not share stories via the web of your childhood? Upload photos of when you were their age.
Share a live chat, and play an interactive game with your grandchild!
Why? Games are great to play together. It allows you to be interactive with your grandchildren rather than simply trying to make small talk.
Other interactive things that are great are movies or even a visit to a museum or other interesting type of event. Learning together eliminates restrictions imposed by the age difference.
When you are both learning something new together, the fun you have is increased.
Doing something special together is essential for building that bond with your grandchildren. Attending church together can be really special for the family that places importance in this. By building your values together, they will learn from you as they are learning to respect you.
As your relationship builds and your virtual dates become more routine, why not build your family tree? This is also an option at FamilyCrossings! try it for FREE today!
FamilyCrossings.com brings your entire family together to safely share family photos, family calendar events, special family recipes, parenting tips and important family news. Preserve family values by writing new chapters of your family’s history online. Create a family database that contains gift lists, sends birthday reminders and finds shipping addresses easily.Promotion Video
With FamilyCrossings.com, your information is cross-linked by keyword, date and location data. At this data intersection are your family’s crossings. Crossings show photo locations by map, build historical timelines of important family dates and create powerful tag searches of your family information. Add more family members to build a family social network. Family crossings.com brings the power of the next generation of internet tools to your family web site.
