Family Crossing Guru

ADHD & Your Child

Parents are distressed when they receive a note from school saying that their child “won’t listen to the teacher” or “causes trouble in class.” One possible reason for this kind of behavior is Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

Even though the child with ADHD often wants to be a good student, the impulsive behavior and difficulty paying attention in class frequently interferes and causes problems. Teachers, parents, and friends know that the child is “misbehaving” or “different” but they may not be able to tell exactly what is wrong.

Any child may show inattention, distractibility, impulsivity, or hyperactivity at times, but the child with ADHD shows these symptoms and behaviors more frequently and severely than other children of the same age or developmental level. ADHD occurs in 3-5% of school age children. ADHD must begin before the age of seven and it can continue into adulthood. ADHD runs in families with about 25% of biological parents also having this medical condition.

A child with ADHD often shows some of the following:

trouble paying attention

inattention to details and makes careless mistakes

easily distracted loses school supplies,

forgets to turn in homework

trouble finishing class work and homework

trouble listening trouble following multiple adult commands

blurts out answers

fidgets or squirms leaves seat and runs about or climbs excessively seems “on the go”

talks too much and has difficulty playing quietly

interrupts or intrudes on others

A child presenting with ADHD symptoms must have a comprehensive evaluation. A child with ADHD may have other psychiatric disorders such as conduct disorder, anxiety disorder, depressive disorder, or manic-depressive disorder. Without proper treatment, the child may fall behind in schoolwork, and friendships may suffer. The child experiences more failure than success and is criticized by teachers and family who do not recognize a health problem.

Research clearly demonstrates that medication can be helpful. Stimulant medication such as methylphenidate, dextroamphetamine, and pemoline can improve attention, focus, goal directed behavior, and organizational skills. Other medications such as guanfacine, clonidine, and some antidepressants may also be helpful.

Other treatment approaches may include cognitive-behavioral therapy, social skills training, parent education, and modifications to the child’s education program. Behavioral therapy can help a child control aggression, modulate social behavior, and be more productive. Cognitive therapy can help a child build self esteem, reduce negative thoughts, and improve problem solving skills. Parents can learn management skills such as issuing instructions one step at a time rather than issuing multiple requests at once. Education modifications can address ADHD symptoms along with any coexisting learning disabilities.

A child who is diagnosed with ADHD and treated appropriately can have a productive and successful life. If a child shows symptoms and behaviors like those of ADHD, parents may ask their pediatrician or family physician to refer them to a child and adolescent psychiatrist, who can diagnose and treat this medical condition.

Children and News

Children often see or hear the news many times a day through television, radio, newspapers, magazines, and the Internet. Seeing and hearing about local and world events, such as natural disasters, catastrophic events, and crime reports, may cause children to experience stress, anxiety, and fears.

There have also been several changes in how news is reported that have given rise to the increased potential for children to experience negative effects. These changes include the following:

television channels and Internet services and sites which report the news 24 hours a day
television channels broadcasting live events as they are unfolding, in “real time”
increased reporting of the details of the private lives of public figures and role models
pressure to get news to the public as part of the competitive nature of the entertainment industry
detailed and repetitive visual coverage of natural disasters and violent acts

While there has been great public debate about providing television ratings to warn parents about violence and sex in programming, news shows have only recently been considered in these discussions. Research has shown, however, that children and adolescents are prone to imitate what they see and hear in the news, a kind of contagion effect described as “copy cat” events. Chronic and persistent exposure to such violence can lead to fear, desensitization (immunity), and in some children an increase in aggressive and violent behaviors. Studies also show that media broadcasts to not always choose to show things that accurately reflect local or national trends.

For example, statistics report a decrease in the incidence of crime, yet, the reporting of crime in the news has increased 240%. Local news shows often lead with or break into programming to announce crime reports and devote as much as 30% of the broadcast time to detailed crime reporting.

The possible negative effects of news can be lessened by parents, teachers, or other adults by watching the news with the child and talking about what has been seen or heard. The child’s age, maturity, developmental level, life experiences, and vulnerabilities should guide how much and what kind of news the child watches.

Guidelines for minimizing the negative effects of watching the news include:

make sure you have adequate time and a quiet place to talk if you anticipate that the news is going to be troubling or upsetting to the child
ask the child what he/she has heard and what questions he/she may have
provide reassurance regarding his/her own safety in simple words emphasizing that you are going to be there to keep him/her safe
look for signs that the news may have triggered fears or anxieties such as sleeplessness, fears, bedwetting, crying, or talking about being afraid

Parents should remember that it is important to talk to the child or adolescent about what he/she has seen or heard. This allows parents to lessen the potential negative effects of the news and to discuss their own ideas and values. While children cannot be completely protected from outside events, parents can help them feel safe and help them to better understand the world around them.

Is Your Teen Driving?

Most parents think it will never happen to them, yet thousands of car accidents occur each year. According to the National Highway Safety Transportation Agency, 8,000 American children die in auto-related accidents each year — 20 every single day. So how can you help protect your children? Follow these hard and fast car safety rules:

Don’t Drink and Drive Ever.

Buckle up
Although all 50 states have strict child safety seat laws, not all parents buckle up their kids. And those who do are most likely doing it wrong without realizing it. A recent NHSTA study showed that 80 percent of car seats are installed improperly. Continue reading “Is Your Teen Driving?”

Grandparents and Family

Grandparents are an important resource for both parents and children. They routinely provide child care, financial assistance and emotional support. Occasionally they are called upon to provide much more including temporary or full time care and responsibility for their grandchildren.

An increasing number of children in the United States live in households headed by a grandparent. This trend is due to:

increasing numbers of single parent families
the high rate of divorce
teenage pregnancies
AIDS
incarcerations of parents
substance abuse by parents
death or disability of parents
parental abuse and neglect

In many of these homes, neither of the child’s biological parents is present. In most cases, children taken care of by grandparents move in with them as infants or preschoolers and remain with them for five years or more. These grandparents are a diverse group ranging in ages from the thirties to the seventies. Many grandparents are ready to simplify their lives and slow down. Giving that up and taking over the responsibilities of being a primary parent again can stir up many feelings including grief, anger, loss, resentment and possibly guilt. This transition can be very stressful and the emotional and financial burdens can be significant. Culture shock at having to deal with children and adolescents of a different generation can be great. Grandparent headed households have a significantly higher poverty rate than other kinds of family units.

Many grandparents in this care taking role underestimate or are unaware of the added burdens their new role as ‘parents’ will place upon them. Grandparents often assume their role will be to nurture and reward children without having to set limits. When grandparents serve as parents, however, they must learn to set limits and establish controls as they did with their own children.

Many children living with grandparents arrive with preexisting problems or risk factors including abuse, neglect, prenatal exposure to drugs and alcohol, and loss of parents (death, abandonment and incarceration). This situation can create risks for both children and grandparents. Caring for your grandchild can also be very positive and rewarding. Grandparents bring the benefit of experience and perspective. They can also provide important stability, predictability, and be a healthy role model for their grandchildren.

It is very important for grandparents to receive support and assistance. Seeking out other family members, clergy, support groups and social agencies can be helpful. The Grandparents Information Center (sponsored by the American Association of Retired Persons) is a good place to get information, referrals and support. The American Association of Retired Persons website address is www.aarp.org. Financial aid may be available especially if the child was abandoned, neglected or abused. Mental health professionals including child and adolescent psychiatrists, community mental health and child welfare agencies and parent-teacher associations are other important resources for the grandparents.

Child and adolescent psychiatrists recognize the important role many grandparents play in raising their grandchildren. The better grandparents are able to meet their own needs, the better they can fulfill the demands of parenting.

Family Traditions

My family always had traditions when I was growing up. Every Christmas eve was spent at my great grandparents’ house. The entire family – great grandparents, grandparents, parents, uncles, aunts, cousins – would gather at my great grandpa’s and grandma’s and we’d open gifts and laugh and spend the evening together as a big family. Once my great grandparents passed away that tradition passed on to my grandma and grandpa, and we’d all congregate there.
Christmas morning was spent at our house where we got up and “had to eat breakfast first” before opening presents. Then we’d get ready, trying to somehow incorporate everything we’d received as gifts into our outfit somehow so we could take it to my other grandparents’ house (my mom’s mom and dad), which is where we went next. Again, the entire family, aunts and uncles and cousins too, would gather there and spend the day together, opening gifts and eating and laughing.
Easter was always spent at my house where my mom would fix this huge Easter feast, and both sides of my family (mom’s and dad’s) would come. We’d spend the day eating and playing and finding Easter eggs. After hunting eggs my sister and my cousins and I would always sit on the picnic table and count our eggs and eat some of them. One year I remember we tried cracking them open by slamming them into our foreheads. Pain!
New Year’s night was spent at my grandparents’ house. We’d all bring something to trade. One year I traded something, I forget what exactly but I think it was a pocket knife, for a bottle of hairspray from my aunt, which I discovered wouldn’t spray. I was so disappointed! I’d try to stay up every year until midnight, though I’m not sure if I ever succeeded. I must have because I remember one year being awake to hear my uncles shoot off guns, which is what the grown-ups did to bring in the new year.
Traditions don’t have to be something big to be remembered and enjoyed. I remember sitting outside in the dark on the picnic table with my cousins and Grandpa while he told us scary stories before bed. Usually it involved a witch who ate off kids’ toes. Grandpa even had this spooky witch laugh he did. I still can’t sleep at night with my toes uncovered, and if I wake up in the middle of the night to discover my feet out from under the blanket I promptly pull them back in to safety.
Every year my grandma always called my sister and me when she heard the first whippoorwill call. I think that meant summer was here, and we could go barefoot now. I love to go barefoot, now as much as then, which is why I always had bee stings all over my feet then and dirt all over my feet now.
Birthdays were special times because the day was all about us. Grandparents and aunts and uncles would call on the phone all day long to sing “Happy Birthday”. I still miss my grandma and grandpa calling every year on my birthday now that they’ve both passed away and now that my other grandma can no longer remember that it’s my birthday. Mom always fixed us whatever kind of cake we wanted for our birthdays.

She made these big fancily-decorated cakes for us when we were kids (I have photos), but as we got older my sister always requested cherry cheesecake and I wanted angel food cake with strawberries and whipped cream, year after year.
These are just some of the many traditions we had in my family. Now that I’m an adult and I have a family of my own I’ve tried to continue many of these traditions while adding in a few of my own. We still spend Christmas eve with my dad’s family, and we still have to eat breakfast every year at mom and dad’s house before we can open presents (the torment!).

Christmas day is always spent at my mom’s parents’ house. Many things haven’t changed, and I’m glad.
Birthdays here at my house are always big deals. I decorate the dining room and often the living room with streamers and balloons everywhere. I have a big “Happy Birthday” sign that I put up. The kids fully expect all of these things and would be disappointed if they awoke on their birthdays to find that I hadn’t done them. The first thing they do when they wake up on their birthday is to run into the dining room and living room to see my decorations and all the presents piled up in the exact spot that they’ve been in every year on a birthday.
Everyone, hubby included, gets to pick out a cake they want and I make it for them, which is why I’ve made everything from a Care Bear cake and Pokemon to Batman and Transformers, and nearly everything in between.

Every year hubby requests a pineapple upside-down cake. Everyone always gets to pick out a birthday meal too. Sometimes it’s as simple as some chicken nuggets and French fries, while others it’s a feast of fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans, and biscuits. Whatever it is, I lovingly prepare it, because not only is it my way of showing them I love them but it’s my way of making sure they have traditions they can carry on themselves one day.

Family Vacations With Teenagers

Are you planning a vacation this year? Have teenagers? Well we have some tips for you. Being the parent of teenagers is often a difficult time, however it doesn’t last forever and believe it or not your teenager really does love you! FamilyCrossings.com all about families, even those moody teens!

Vacationing with a teenager can be difficult, especially if you aren’t sure where to take them. During the summer, teenagers prefer to be with their friends, so taking time away for a family vacation can sometimes be a hassle. When planning a family vacation when you have teenagers, try to find places that are interesting, fun, and relaxing.

Amusement parks, cruises, and sightseeing tours can be a fun way for everyone to have a great time while on vacation. Before booking a vacation, talk to your children to get a better idea of what they would like to do. This will help in your decision making process.

Giving your teenagers some free time while on vacation to be by themselves or to hang out with new friends they may have met is a good idea and a way to maintain peace during a vacation. Make sure you know where your children will be and set a curfew so they can be back within a certain amount of time.

You will be able to enjoy activities that you want to participate in while they are away. When on a family vacation, it is important to spend time together, but it is also important to have a little alone time as well.

Letting your teenager to bring a friend along for the trip is another way for your teenager to have a good time. While some teenagers will want to explore new places with you, others won’t. You should not take it personally. Trying to find activities that everyone will enjoy is difficult at times, but with enough patience and trying out different activities, you will find some common ground. Being able to spend time together as a family is a great way to bond and share the same experiences. You will not regret going on these family vacations.

Keep in mind that the teenage phase is a short one and once they have past the phase, they will want to spend more time with you when on vacation. Also, don’t assume your teenager doesn’t want to spend time with you. Many teenagers would rather spend time with their parents than meet new people.

Depending on the type of vacation you will be going on, you should be prepared to spend a few days together doing activities that everyone will enjoy. Even if this means spending time at the beach or at an amusement park, it is time well spent.

Vacationing with teenagers can save you money, however. Because many resorts want to attract families to stay, they will offer discounts to those who have children under a certain age. This means that you may save money on food, room, and amusement park tickets. Ask the resort before booking the trip to see if you will qualify for any discounts.

This could keep the cost of your vacation down, which is enough to put anyone in a good mood.